Like Toy Soldiers
by TheyCallMeMr.Sunshine
Summary: After finishing off the Brotherhood, Ronin, & Sons of Samedi, the Boss begins to question his own leadership skills and the way he treats his Saints. How does he feel now that he realizes that he had always treated his followers' lives as if they were mere toys? Will he drop his flags & leave, or will he change his ways & stay?


**Disclaimer: The Boss, Shaundi, Julius, the rest of the named characters in this fic, and Saints Row belong to VOLITION. The song from which the title comes from is entitled 'Like Toy Soldiers' by Eminem. I make no profits by writing this. It is pure fiction, and is intended solely for entertainment.**

Characters: The Boss & Shaundi (Saints Row)

Characters Mentioned: Julius Little, Johnny Gat, Carlos Mendoza, Lin, Aisha, Troy Bradshaw, Dex, Joseph Price, William Sharp, Jyunichi, Shogo Akuji, and Anthony 'Tony' Green.

**Random Author's Note:** I got the idea for this fic after analyzing the lyrics of the song and trying to come up with a fic for Saints Row. I realized that the lyrics actually fit the Saints' story arc pretty well, so I decided to use it. What's more awesome though, is that a user on Youtube made a pretty cool Saints Row video with this same song. I didn't get the idea from them for this fic, but I do think it's pretty cool that we both seemed to think the song fits well. If you'd like to hear the song after you're done reading, here's the link for the music video on Youtube: /watch?v=lexLAjh8fPA

* * *

** "Like Toy Soldiers"**

* * *

As the leader of the 3rd Street Saints sat at his desk, he couldn't help but stay still as a mob of thoughts was beginning to overcome his mind. He had come back into the Purgatory after the weather got a bit rough outside. The gel on his hair was now mixed with the rain that had fallen onto his head, giving it a goo-ish feel whenever he ran his hand through it. Hardly did he ever feel guilty about the loss of someone, but for some reason, this one time was different.

_Is there something I'm not doing right?_

Although everyone referred to him as simply 'Boss', there were certain times in which he surely didn't feel like a 'Boss' or even had a clue on how to lead properly. Of course, he still did things his way. And most of the time, when things went his way, whatever goal he was striving for would end up being a success. As big as his ego was, he couldn't deny that he did in fact care about some of his Saints.

_My Saints..._

No doubt did Lin's death in the past make an impact on him. After her death, he realized that it didn't matter how skilled you were, what race, gender, or age you were in this world. The moment a bullet penetrates through your skin is the moment that same bullet determines whether you live or you die.

Lin had been shot right in front of him when they were stuffed inside the trunk of her prized Voxel. He remembered it as if it was the day before. William Sharp, uncle of Joseph Price, had shot Lin and then proceeded to shoot him as well. He remembered exactly how his heart thumped in his chest as he felt the car he was trapped in being pushed into the water.

_"We're gonna be alright," she said... "We're gonna get through this," she said..._

The moment they hit the water, he couldn't deny that he was shaken up. Especially with the bullet wound that he was suffering from, getting out of the trunk and chasing down Sharp didn't exactly look like a walk in the park. Although the Boss made it through and lived, Lin did not. She'd been too weak to swim to the surface by the time the Boss got the trunk open. As he swam away to the top, she was submerged deeper and deeper into the water along with her vehicle. Lin had bled out before she even drowned.

_I should've gone back to her. Or maybe leaving her was for the better...? Maybe I would've put her through more pain had I tried to help her out, right?_

The Boss stood up from his chair and walked out of his office. He made his way down the stairs and towards the cooler near the mini-bar. After grabbing a beer, popping it open, and taking a seat, he felt the need to praise Lin's bravery and courage to help out the Saints in restoring peace to Stilwater. That woman sure had balls.

_Wherever you are now, Lin, you were a great friend and one helluva woman. You're part of the reason why the Saints look up to me today. Thanks._

The Boss took a long drink before placing the beer back on the counter in front of him and began remembering the deaths of other people that he was close with. After Johnny had been shot in the leg and kidnapped by Anthony 'Tony' Green, the Boss did sense concern over his safety and well being. If Johnny didn't get his leg bandaged up soon, he surely would have bled out.

_Just like Lin..._

He also couldn't deny that he was sincerely relieved after finding out that Johnny was still being held alive. Yes, he was hurt, but he was still alive, and that was all that mattered to the Boss, Aisha, and the rest of the Saints. That also meant that they could rightfully attack the Vice Kings while taking back Johnny. Not too soon later the Saints headed for Tony's apartment and filled it, as well as Tony, with bullets.

After rescuing Johnny, the Boss sensed a bit more worry about the safety of him and everyone else. One thing the Boss couldn't deny though, was that even a badass like Johnny Gat could get into trouble with the rival. It's not always smart do try and follow in his footsteps.

_Smart? Not really. Fun? Fuck yeah._

After waking up from his coma, the Boss wasn't all too different from his old self. He was much more leader-like but deep inside, he was still the street fighter he had been since the beginning. After meeting Shaundi, Pierce, and Carlos, he devoted himself to treating his lieutenants and Saints with respect and precaution. Unlike the way Julius Little had treated him and his Saints.

_Like toy soldiers..._

If there was one thing that the Boss knew about Julius, it was that he only cared about taking out the other gangs and didn't give two shits about the Saints who weren't Lin, Troy, Dex, Johnny, or the Boss.

For specific missions that required to be done, Julius would send the Boss and 5 other Saints to join him. When the Boss would come back and tell Julius that the other Saints didn't make it, Julius would simply reply, 'Well, that's too bad. In this city, ain't nobody gonna live forever.'

_It's true but he didn't have to be so damn cold about it._

The Boss promised not to be like Julius in any way. He wouldn't compromise his Saints if it wasn't necessary and he sure as hell wouldn't let them go out in the battlefield alone. Wherever there is a group of Saints, everyone else should expect the Boss to be somewhere near.

The Boss took a long drink out of his beer again and slammed it once more against the counter. What was _really_ hurting him right now and what was_ really_ making him think was what happened earlier that night. He, along with Johnny, had gone to Aisha's funeral but were disturbingly interrupted by Shogo Akuji and his gang of thugs. As usual, Johnny and the Boss took care of the foreign men in yellow. However, they weren't going to leave that cemetery satisfied until they dealt with the Ronin's leader.

Together, Johnny and the Boss roughed up Shogo before throwing him inside a coffin and burying him six feet under. As they used their shovels to pull dirt over the coffin, and as Shogo screamed and pleaded for his life, the Boss was beginning to question if there was ever actually another life after death. At first, he didn't understand the reason why he began to even ponder about the subject, but the tombstone-filled cemetery was probably what triggered the thoughts.

_Or maybe I'm just being stupid again. I just hope this cemetery isn't the next place I'm headed for._

The Boss held his head in pain as he remembered the moment he saw Aisha's headless body tied up to a chair in front of Jyunichi. He had managed to slice up some flowers that were resting in a vase on the kitchen table, and the light petals covered the floor as Johnny screamed out Aisha's name in a mix of shock and anger. The squirted blood on the wall was the confirmation of Aisha's death, and that didn't make the Boss and Johnny happy one bit.

Later that night, the Boss had almost lost Johnny a second time. After being distracted by the Boss, Johnny was stabbed by Jyunichi in the stomach and was losing blood quickly after the enemy had fled. Much to their grace, Johnny was rushed to the hospital on time and was saved.

_If I hadn't gotten Johnny to safety on time, Aisha would've haunted me._

The Boss grabbed his head in pain again as he recalled yet another death. But this time, it was the death of one of his lieutenants. He was also the youngest one; Carlos Mendoza.

The Boss stood up from his chair and tossed the beer bottle at a sofa laying around the stripper pole. The glass hit it and glass shattered everywhere while the liquid slammed with a smooshy sound against the purple carpet. He kicked the stool he was previously sitting on as he remembered watching Carlos get dragged from behind the Brotherhood's truck along the pavement. He remembered his screams. The longer he took to save Carlos, the more wounds he would get and the more blood he would lose. He was quickly running out of time.

After being able to stop the Brotherhood truck that was dragging Carlos's mortally wounded body, he grabbed the red clad driver and smashed his face repeatedly against the truck's knee-capped rims. After banging his head one last time against the truck's door, the Boss placed the Brotherhood members' neck in the section of the door where it comes into contact with the lock. The Boss repeatedly slammed the edge of the door against his rival's neck until it snapped and the first signs of blood were shown. Not too much time was wasted while doing this as it had taken roughly 2 minutes. However, Carlos's body begged to differ and was pleading for urgent medical attention – no matter how much time passed by.

Carlos's foot was chained to the back of the truck and couldn't be let loose by the Boss. He had no other choice but to put Carlos out of his misery, and he placed the tip of his Vice 9 against Carlos's blood stained forehead. BOOM.

* * *

Upstairs and barely exiting the elevator that led down to the Purgatory, Shaundi thought she heard a glass break. She turned slightly worried and walked to the room where the Boss slept and spent the nights.

Knocking slightly on the purple door, she asked, "Boss, you okay?"

When there was no answer, she knocked again, "Boss?"

No answer. A little harder this time, "Boss?!"

"Downstairs, Shaundi!" a male voice called from the mini-bar downstairs.

She rushed to the white barrier that was right outside his desk office and looked down to the mini-bar. Shaundi caught sight of the broken glass of beer and the exasperated look on her Boss's face as he looked back at her.

"What the hell, Boss? What've I told you about drinking past 12?" Shaundi's voice cracked as she asked the question.

"You_ know_ I never listen to you," the Boss waved a hand at her as he made his way to a sofa. He was so out of his mind he didn't even realize the stripper that was previously dancing on the pole was now on the floor with her bra ripped in two and a female Saint laying across her stomach.

As he sat down on the sofa, Shaundi made her way down the stairs. There were bodies all over the stairs and she had to hold onto the sides of it so she wouldn't trip and fall over them.

"What the hell happened here?" Shaundi asked, "Usually you tell everyone to leave before it gets too far."

She sighed in relief as she finally came to an end on the stairs and walked over to the Boss.

"As you can see, I'm the one who went a little too far tonight," the Boss replied as Shaundi found a spot next to him on the sofa. He slumped down in the comfortable edge of the sofa, "I'm not feeling as awesome as usual today."

"That time of the month?"

"Very funny."

"You look like you had a good drink," Shaundi pointed at the broken glass and beer that rested on the carpet, "Is it confession time already?"

"For all that is almighty in this dear world, please, _don't_ tell me again about your first blow-job. That shit was too damn descriptive."

Shaundi laughed at the serious tone that her Boss used to say that last line.

"No, Boss!" Shaundi laughed and sprang her arms out to stretch, "Your ass is the one confessing this time."

The Boss slowly turned his head around with eyes widely opened, "You serious?"

"Totally."

"I'm not doing that."

"Why not?"

"I'm your boss – I do whatever the fuck I wanna do."

"You're a drunk asshole that's halfway passed out on a couch inside an _underground abandoned hotel_. Now spit something out."

"Shouldn't you be getting some sleep?"

"Shouldn't you be confessing?"

Regardless of how drunk the Boss was, he had to admire Shaundi's stubbornness. That trait surely got her places - not college graduation – but other places.

"I'll do that later," the Boss sat up with a no longer humorous tone in his deep voice, "Right now, there's something important I gotta ask you."

"Fine, you can confess your atrocities later," Shaundi crossed her legs and leaned back on the sofa, "So what's up?"

The Boss took a moment of silence before answering. He briefly rubbed his palms together as he tried to form the right way to start his question. He was skeptical if he should tell her what was bugging him or avoid bringing up the subject at all. If he told her, she'd most likely begin to doubt that he was doing a decent job in leading their gang. He didn't want that to happen, and knowing Shaundi, she probably _would_ start doubting him.

"Nothing," the Boss decided to move away from the subject, "Forget I said anything."

"Oh hell no, tell me what you were gonna say."

"It's not important, really."

"My ass _it's not important_, tell me!"

"Leave it alone, Shaundi."

"I can't leave it alone now that you tempted me!"

"Then untempt yourself and forget about it."

"How hard is it to-"

"-I'm leading you guys to the ground."

The Boss interrupted Shaundi mid sentence. She simply stared at him with a neutral expression on her face and didn't say a word. An awkward silence filled up the room after he spoke. It was the type of silence that Shaundi hated being a part of.

She looked at the wall to try and come up with something to break the silence, but instead, only ended up looking at the knocked out stripper. She turned back to look at the Boss, who was already looking down at his clasped hands in deep thought.

She didn't remember seeing him this way before. She found it extremely odd.

"Did something happen at Aisha's funeral?" Shaundi asked. She wasn't aware of the attack that the Ronin planned on the Saints during Aisha's funeral, so she didn't exactly have a grip on what was going on with her Boss.

When the Boss didn't answer, Shaundi asked, "Is there something bothering you?"

"There is, actually," the Boss answered after taking in a deep breath. He took a brief pause after his reply and began to toy around with the bracelet his mother had given to him as a child. It was made up of fake red diamonds that were attached to a simple black string. His mother was still alive but was not in Stilwater at the moment. She left to California to live with her sister after the Boss was knocked to his coma. However, she was due back to Stilwater pretty soon now that her son was awake again.

The Boss loved his mother and she loved him. Many people found it disturbing how his mother was still so loving and supportive of his son despite the fact that he was in the Saints 5 years ago and was now currently leading them. Whenever someone questioned her why she still loved her son, she would reply, "He's the life I created and the life I raised. My son has not murdered one innocent person throughout his years in the Saints, but has only murdered those asked for their lives to be taken. My son is not a criminal and will never be a criminal. Don't ask me why I can't live without my child and I won't ask you why you can't live without yours."

"Shaundi," another brief silence from the Boss, "Do you ever get the feeling that your life isn't worthy enough for me?"

He was looking at Shaundi now with a patient look on his face. She had no idea how to answer this question. If she gave a friendly answer, he'd blow it off. If she gave a rude answer, he'd surely get mad. She was stuck and didn't know how to come to an acceptable answer.

"Uhmm..." Shaundi began.

"The truth, please?" The Boss asked.

"Honestly," Shaundi scooted over to the Boss and placed a hand on the shoulder farthest from her, having him in a half-embrace. "That sort of thought has never crossed my mind."

"For real?" the Boss turned his head to her.

She removed her hand from his shoulder and slightly rubbed his back to try and soothe him, "For real. Sure, you do get a bit rough with us at times but we're all aware that it's only for our own good. We have to be pressured and you're the only one who can do just that. What we're dealing with right now isn't a game and we should be taking shit seriously if we want to take down Ultor. If you ever get rough with us again, just remember that you're only doing your job."

The Boss looked at the ground and slowly nodded. He didn't think Shaundi, of all people, would help him start looking up after the quick drinking rampage he went on a few minutes prior. If anything, he thought she'd probably join him and drink around with him followed by staying up all night and talking about the assholes they really were.

After one more brief silence, Shaundi asked, "Why'd you ask anyway? Did I do something to make you think that?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that I've been thinking about the way I'm handling the tasks I have," the Boss replied.

Shaundi was suddenly pulled into his words. She hadn't seen the Boss get so deep all of a sudden. It sure was a surprise and she was a bit glad that she was here to help him out.

"What do you mean?" Shaundi asked.

"After rolling with Julius in the Saints and after the whole 'coma' thing happened, I have to say that I'm honestly a bit concerned over the way I do things and what I do to others," the Boss replied.

"You're still a bit hurt over what happened to Carlos, right?" Shaundi placed her hand on his, which was resting on his thigh. She wasn't trying to seduce him, but rather make him feel comfortable. Her own action had caught her a bit off guard as this wasn't something she'd usually do. Nevertheless, she refused to move it because the Boss clearly needed someone at the moment. "The fact that he didn't make it wasn't your fault. I hope you're not thinking like that," she continued.

"I understand it wasn't my fault but I still can't shake off the feeling that I'm somehow responsible for what happened to him. He wasn't ready to be in a gang, let alone be a lieutenant. What was I thinking? My expectations for him were too damn high, and even if he tried his hardest, he wouldn't impress me," the Boss was beginning to sound heartbroken. He closed his eyes in deep thought, "Maybe if I hadn't pushed him too far, or even gotten him involved with crazy fuckers like the Brotherhood, he'd still be among the living and we'd still be having good times with him."

After finishing what he said, the Boss looked the other way so as to not let Shaundi witness the pained expression on his face. She gave him a mourning look as he was facing the other way. She never thought she'd see her typically cold-hearted Boss become so emotionally perplexed. He was obviously hurt by the loss of Carlos and he wasn't even trying to hide it.

"I unknowingly pushed him into a hole that was impossible for him to climb out of by involving him in all of this," the Boss continued.

"He_ wanted_ to roll with us and he_ knew_ the consequences and risks. It wasn't your fault."

"That's exactly what Julius would say," the Boss stood up from the sofa. "He'd tell me some BS about knowing risks and if you went out into gun fights and got shot, that'd be your own fault because that'd be your own action. Only once had he tried to sympathize with me and that was after Lin's death. Never again did he try after that."

"You're still trying to live up a different example than him, aren't you?" Shaundi stood up from the sofa with a poker face. "Well, guess what, Boss? You're not like him, in any way, and I'm sure your Saints are grateful for that."

"You really think that?" the Boss asked, as if he took Shaundi's statement as a joke. "I'm treating my Saints the same way Julius treated his. I send them off to missions and don't care if they make it out alive or not. I treat them like their lives aren't as 'valuable' as mine – as if taking their lives wouldn't be taking the life of a beloved sibling, friend, or lover."

"Will you calm the fuck down, Boss?" Shaundi placed her hands on both sides of his face and made him look at her directly in the eyes, "Do you realize how much your Saints look up to you? Do you realize how many of them died in the middle of heroic acts? Some died protecting defenseless women and children. Others died rushing innocent injured people to the hospital. Your Saints are following your word, not Julius'."

She slowly removed her hands from his face and in a quick change of mood, slightly smacked his chest, and smiled, "You'd be a real asshole if you backed down from being our leader now."

Her statement got a sincere smile out of the Boss, "I'd never go as far as to abandon you guys. I may be stupid some times, but not that stupid."

"Awesome," Shaundi smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Now it was the Boss's turn to not have a clue what to do next.

"Hug me back, whore," Shaundi's voice was muffled against his chest, and so he clumsily hugged her back with one arm.

"You smell like nothing but beer," Shaundi said again.

"Oh, hey, I'm turning into Shaundi," the Boss sarcastically remarked.

She lightly pushed away and smacked his arm, "Don't be rude. By the way, is it just me, or do you have one of the most fucked up minds mankind has ever seen?"

The Boss opened his mouth, was about to answer something else, but settled with simply replying, "I like being fucked up in any way I can. It's a preference of mine in case you haven't noticed."

"Not at all, Boss, not at all," Shaundi answered, "So...you feel a tiny bit better?"

"A bit, yeah. But I still think I treat you guys like shit."

"Like I said before, you're doing your job. Wouldn't you think the same of teachers in school?"

"True. Except they didn't send me out to get killed."

"You and your smart ass know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. I'm sorry I wasted your time a bit here. I guess I needed a little opening up," the Boss slid his hands in his jeans pockets.

"You don't have to apologize. I got to see a different side of my Boss today and I'd rather help you sort out your feelings for your Saints than to help my ex sort out his feelings for his blunts."

"Thanks, Shaundi," the Boss smiled weakly, as there was still strong alcohol in his system.

"Anytime, Boss. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get going. I promised a friend I'd take her out to eat.

"Past midnight?" the Boss asked with one of the most confused expressions on his face.

"She's pregnant and she gets freaky cravings. Can't blame her for wanting to rob Freckle Bitch's past midnight."

"Alright, see you tomorrow then," the Boss was amused.

"See you tomorrow, Boss," Shaundi started for the stairs that led to the front of the Saints' statue of a woman with wings holding two guns, "Get some rest and don't break another beer 'cause I did _not_ get them at a low price." Shaundi carefully made her way around the fainted drunk bodies that were still sprawled all over the stairs.

"I'm not promising anything," the Boss muttered to himself before laying down on the sofa and resting the back of his head on the armrest.

As soon as he heard the doors of the elevator open, close, and start moving up, he was once against reverted back to his conversation with Shaundi. He had absolutely no idea how she could actually make him feel a bit more satisfaction with his leadership skills. She was the last person he would have turned to for advice, but she willingly gave him a hand.

_She forgot about 'confession time'..._

She was so into their topic that she had indeed forgot to tell the Boss to share a confession with her. He only hoped she wouldn't come back just to remind him.

_Now wouldn't THAT be a terrifying thing?_

As he closed his eyes and began to fall asleep, he vowed something else to himself and to his Saints; he'd no longer disregard their capabilities and attributes and send them off to a mission they couldn't handle. Of course, the only group left to take over was the Ultor group and that would require most missions to be completed by himself, personally. Other Saints wouldn't be needed too frequently to battle. Nonetheless, he still promised to no longer treat them like their lives and sacrifices were nothing, because according to the eyes of the rest of Stilwater, some Saints were fighting truly for a good cause. That cause was to restore peace to Stilwater, just like it was his very first goal to restore peace to his beloved city when he first joined the Saints as well.

He promised to not follow in Julius' footsteps but create his own path to leadership. The first step was to value his Saints more than he ever has. They weren't some toy soldiers you could just play with and knock down. Then pick them back up and make them 'battle' again. No, this wasn't like that.

This was real life. Once one of his Saints is down, they won't get back up and they'll no longer battle for a good cause or for any cause at that matter. They were his Saints, not toys that could be thrown away.

Starting tomorrow morning, he'd make his first move against the Ultor Corporation. As confident as he was in himself, he'll probably relax before starting an attack.

Who knows? Maybe he'll stop by for a few drinks at a club in the morning. He just hoped that Ultor wouldn't pull a crazy stunt on him like breaking into the club, running across the dance floor, running up the stairs, find him, and try to apprehend him while he was in the middle of flirting with the bartender.

_Hmph. Now wouldn't THAT be a terrifying thing as well...?_


End file.
